Bullying is often minimized with phrases like “kids will be kids” or “it builds resilience.”
Parents are sometimes encouraged to see it as an uncomfortable but necessary part of growing up.
Research does not support that view.
Decades of data show that bullying has measurable, long-term effects on mental health, learning, and emotional development. And those effects do not simply disappear with time.
Understanding what bullying actually does to children matters, especially when families are deciding how much stress and harm a learning environment should be expected to tolerate.
What Counts as Bullying?
Bullying is not a single rude comment or an isolated conflict. Researchers define bullying as repeated, intentional behavior involving a power imbalance.
Bullying can be:
- Physical (hitting, pushing)
- Verbal (name-calling, threats)
- Social (exclusion, humiliation)
- Digital (cyberbullying)
The key factors are repetition and power. That is what makes bullying different from normal peer conflict and what makes its effects more serious.
Does Bullying Actually Build Character?
No.
This belief persists culturally, but it does not hold up under scrutiny. Studies consistently show that bullying does not build character, improve resilience, confidence, or coping skills in children.
According to a comprehensive 2017 study published in JAMA Psychiatry, researchers examined over 11,000 twins to understand the relationship between childhood bullying and mental health outcomes. The study found that children who were bullied showed significantly higher rates of anxiety disorders, depression, and other mental health problems both at the time of bullying and years later. Importantly, the twin study design allowed researchers to control for genetic and environmental factors, demonstrating that the effects of bullying on mental health were independent of pre-existing vulnerabilities.
The study concluded that the effects of bullying on mental health extended well into adulthood, contradicting the notion that children simply “grow out of it.” Instead of “toughening children up,” bullying teaches many of them that school is unsafe and unpredictable.
The Long-Term Effects of Bullying on Mental Health
One of the most well-documented findings in child development research is the link between bullying and mental health outcomes that persist over time.
Children who experience bullying are at increased risk for:
- Chronic anxiety and depression into adolescence and adulthood
- Increased stress responses and emotional dysregulation
- Higher rates of self-harm and suicidal ideation
Research by Takizawa et al. published in the American Journal of Psychiatry followed over 7,000 children for 5 decades. The study found that those who were bullied at age 7-11 were more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts in adulthood, even after controlling for other childhood adversities. The researchers demonstrated that the long-term effects of bullying on mental health persisted into middle age. They noted that the psychological impact of childhood bullying was comparable to that experienced by children in foster care or living with parental maltreatment.
Importantly, these outcomes appear even when academic performance remains intact. A child can look “fine” on paper while quietly absorbing lasting psychological harm.
The effects of bullying on mental health do not automatically fade once the bullying stops.
How Bullying Affects Learning and Academic Engagement
Bullying does not only affect emotional well-being. It also interferes directly with learning. Research shows that bullied children are more likely to:
- Avoid participation in class
- Struggle with concentration and memory
- Miss school or disengage mentally while present
A 2019 study in the Journal of School Health found that students who experienced bullying showed measurable declines in academic performance, with effects on learning persisting even after the bullying ended. The researchers noted that chronic stress from bullying affects the prefrontal cortex, impairing executive function, working memory, and information processing.
Learning requires a baseline sense of safety. When a child is focused on avoiding ridicule or harm, cognitive resources are diverted away from understanding, problem-solving, and curiosity.
The result is often a child who appears unmotivated or disengaged when the real issue is environmental stress.
Bullying and the Erosion of Confidence
One of the most damaging effects of bullying on children is its impact on how they see themselves.
Repeated negative social experiences shape self-perception. Over time, bullied children may internalize the message that they are:
- Inferior
- Unlikable
- At fault for how they are treated
This erosion of confidence can persist long after childhood and influence relationships, risk-taking, and self-advocacy well into adulthood.
This is not character building. It is character damage.
Why “Just Ignore It” Often Fails
Advice like “ignore it” or “stand up for yourself” assumes that children have equal power, emotional maturity, and social leverage.
In reality, many children cannot simply opt out of bullying dynamics, especially in rigid environments where they are required to spend long hours with the same peer group.
When bullying is ongoing and unavoidable, placing responsibility solely on the child can increase feelings of helplessness and shame.
When Bullying Becomes a Learning Environment Problem
Occasional conflict can happen anywhere. Persistent bullying is a systemic issue, not a personal failing.
When a learning environment repeatedly exposes a child to harm, fails to address power imbalances, and prioritizes endurance over well-being, it is reasonable for parents to question whether that environment is serving their child’s long-term development.
Protecting a child from sustained harm is not overprotective. It is responsible.
For many families, this realization becomes one of the signs that traditional school may no longer be the right fit. When the learning environment itself becomes a source of ongoing stress and harm instead of growth and safety, parents face a difficult but important question: Is staying in this system worth the cost to my child’s well-being?
What Parents Can Do
1. Recognizing the Signs
Parents frequently report subtle early signs before bullying is openly disclosed:
- Sudden reluctance to attend school
- Changes in mood, appetite, or sleep
- Increased irritability or withdrawal
- A loss of enthusiasm for learning
These signals are easy to misinterpret as attitude or adolescence. Research suggests they deserve closer attention.
2. Document and Advocate
If you suspect your child is experiencing bullying:
- Keep detailed records of incidents, communications, and school responses
- Work with school administration to implement concrete interventions
- Know your rights and your child’s rights under anti-bullying policies
- Do not accept minimization or victim-blaming responses
3. Consider Your Options
Sometimes schools respond effectively. Sometimes they do not.
If your child’s school cannot or will not address ongoing bullying, you have choices. No child should be required to endure sustained psychological harm as a condition of education.
For some families, this is when alternative learning environments become not just an educational choice but a protective one. Homeschooling removes children from toxic peer dynamics while providing space for healing and rebuilding confidence in a safe environment.
If bullying is one of the signs that school is not working for your child, you are not alone in considering different options.
Many parents worry about socialization when considering homeschool, but there is a fundamental difference between healthy social interaction and enforced proximity to peers who cause harm.
The difference is simple: in homeschool environments, parents control social exposure. Children can engage with peers in structured, supervised settings like co-ops, sports teams, or community groups without being trapped in daily proximity to those who target them.
Social learning does not require tolerating abuse.
The Takeaway
Bullying does not build character. It builds stress, fear, and self-doubt.
The long-term effects of bullying on mental health and learning are real, measurable, and well-documented. While no environment is perfect, children should not be expected to endure sustained harm as a condition of education.
How does bullying affect mental health and learning? The research is unambiguous: it undermines both, often in ways that persist for decades.
Parents are allowed to take concerns about bullying seriously and to explore environments that better protect both learning and emotional well-being. Your child’s safety and development are not negotiable, and recognizing when the current environment is causing harm rather than supporting growth is not overreaction. It is discernment.
